Saturday, January 15, 2011

What Leaving Feels Like: 10 Days to Go

Leaving feels like you are at your birthday party, or your graduation party, or your going-away party. Some event where the first five minutes are all about you. After a little while, your parents come over and say, "Honey, could you get up from that chair? And help us drag it over to that girl over there -- do you see her? She's going to be our new daughter when the party is over."

So you help them give away your own chair to someone you don't even know, and won't ever know. And then you're left standing in the middle of the party wondering if anyone even notices whether you're still there or not.

Leaving feels like my NPH family, little by little, is making me give away my whole life to some new person: my job, my kids, my friends, my room. And they're making me actively help with that entire heartbreaking process. It feels like any day now I'm going to wake up here and have nothing left to call "mine," and then I'm going to be left standing in the house wondering if anybody has even realized whether I'm still here or not.

Leaving sucks.


Celeste said...


Sarah said...

yeah ef all those new people :)

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