You Only Live Once

One Last Post

2011-12-28T16:08:00.000-06:00

So. I’m headed out tomorrow. Work is finished, bags arepacked, and flights are arranged.

When I land in Louisville Saturday night, I have no plan for myself. No clue what I’ll bedoing. Another January has arrived, and the funny thing is, I’m right backwhere I started one year ago: moving home from Central America, planless. :)

There’s a slight difference though. You might not see it,but I can feel it. Last January, being planless felt like falling into somedark abyss. I was bitter about coming back, options seemed nonexistent, and I feltlike things were out of my control.

This time around, I’m energized about comingback. I have options -- very, very few (realistically, I'll be lucky if I get a paying job by June) -- but options nonetheless. I feel in control of the planless-ness. This time, it's less of an abyss and more of a....hmm...a wide open plain. :)

Oh, and there's one more thing.

I've decided this will be my last blog entry. At least for a while. At least here on You Only Live Once. Two years is a long time, and we've had a great run. In fact, I've had more site visitors this month than in the entire history of the blog -- thanks, everyone! It might seem counterintuitive to then stop the blogging now, but I think it's time. I promise that when I decide to start blogging again, wherever that may be, I'll let you know.

Until then, Happy New Year. Here's to new plans, new successes, new failures, new adventures, new ideas, new risks, new priorities, new fun, new memories, and new beginnings. I just have this feeling...that it's gonna be a great 2012. :)

The Upcoming Week

2011-12-26T12:05:00.000-06:00

It seems that every day, something about this changes, but here's my plan for the upcoming week:

December 29 (this Thursday!): Leave Honduras and fly to Guatemala. Meet up with Cheryl at the airport, head straight to Lake Atitlan that night!

December 30: Spend the day at the lake. Eat delicious food. Witness beautiful vistas. Enjoy time with great people.

December 31: Catch a noon flight out of Guatemala, and if all goes as planned, land at the Louisville airport at 8 p.m. Change clothes, head out, and arrive just in time to ring in a new year and a new beginning. :)

That's the agenda!

P.S. Unfortunately, December 31 is where the agenda stops. This girl will be needing a phone, a car, and a job with the words marketing/communications/editorial in it, so let me know if you have any tips!

Hope Christmases were merry!

Just When You're Feeling Your Most Loserish

2011-12-23T08:56:00.000-06:00

I've realized something this week.

Just when you're feeling your most loserish, you realize how many amazing people you have in your life.

All week long, just looking at my Gmail inbox and my Facebook account, I have just felt so loved. Loved by people I've always known have been there for me, but who've shown up in a big way at my big moment of loserness.

All week long, I've just been thinking, "Man, these people are awesome."

And man, I'm pretty lucky.

P.S. Important.

2011-12-23T08:35:00.000-06:00

NPH will always always always always always hold a very special place in my heart. No change of planscould ever change that.

Screeeeech. Change of Plans.

2011-12-22T22:26:00.000-06:00

Hello, lovely readers. It’s Carrie. Remember me? I’m sorry Ideserted you so suddenly over the past few days. But today I have some news.

Well, I’m leaving. I’m leaving my job and I’m leavingHonduras.

Screeeeech.

Now before you accuse me, this wasn’t an impulsive decision.I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. If you want the truth, I’ve notonly been thinking, but I’ve also been pondering and analyzing andrationalizing and contemplating and weighing options and designing pro and conlists for quite a while now.

(Reader: But Carrie, Ihad no idea! I’m a devoted follower of your blog, and I had NO idea! How did Ihave NO idea?

Me: You see, that’sthe funny thing about blogging. With time, we start to figure out what it isyou want to hear.)

I’m not going to write about the nitty gritty reasons Idecided to leave. It’s not what’s important. Here’s what is important:

You only live once.

Come onnnnnn. I say that all the time. You’re sick of it. But today, just listen.

You only live once. What I’m usually saying when I rattleoff that mantra is to take adventures, visit new places, plan crazy trips, playhookie, live overseas, face fears, be a weirdo!

What I haven’t been saying are the things I’ve always just assumedwent hand-in-hand with all that adventuring. Be energized and inspired, andlaugh a freakin’ lot. Experience challenge and frustration in a good way. Feelexhilaratingly free and feel downright alive.

Did you catch that? “I always just assumed.” You know what they say about assuming.

Some day, one day, there may come a time when your plan goesslightly off course. Your adventure may leave you feeling all the complete oppositesof energized, inspired, laughing, challenged, free, and alive. When thathappens – if that happens – and you’ve exhausted all your “How can I changethis?” arsenal, I think you have to stop and ask yourself:

What am I doing here? Is this what I should be doing rightnow?

If the answer isn’t what theadventure-planner-and-follow-through-er in you wants to hear, well then guesswhat? That’s okay. Does it suck torealize? Hell yes. But is it the end of the world? Nope. Breathe deep. It’sreally not.

You get one life. Uno. You get to live it once. Whetheryou’re on your third round-the-world trip or still living in the house you wereraised in, the point of each day should be exactly the same – seeking all thatenergy and inspiration and laughter and freedom and alive.

And if those things aren’t where you thought they’d be,then, I don’t know. It might be time to look somewhere else.

So, folks, there’s been a change of plans. :)

Christmas Goodie Bag

2011-12-19T12:07:00.001-06:00

Every year, the NPH Honduras administration passes out Christmas goodie bags to everyone who works or volunteers here on the Ranch. A Christmas drumroll please...

...

...we received our goodie bags last week!

So let's see what's inside!

And just as a side comment, there were different types of goodie bags for employees and for volunteers. I'm technically an NPH employee this time around, but my white skin lumps me into the volunteer group. It's okay though. I'm pretty sure I got the better deal. :)

Let's open this puppy up.

Captain Crunch?!?!?!?! THAT IS AWESOME. Where did they find that?

Sweet bread. Always a good holiday call.

Fluffy new towel. Thank you very much.

Cookies? Don't mind if I do.

Granola! Woohoo!

This plus Captain Crunch will add some nice variety to my mush-every-single-day routine.

Annnd toilet paper. Gotta hand it to 'em. They have truly figured out the way to a foreigner-on-the Ranch's heart. :)

Be honest. Are you jealous of my goodie bag?

Happy Friday

2011-12-16T10:53:00.000-06:00

Wednesday night, in celebration of Pete's despedida (going-away party) and Mark's birthday, we decided to hold "Man Night." Pete and Mark are the only two male volunteers right now, and they are constantly surrounded by about 15 lovely lady volunteers. Lucky boys.

So, to celebrate "Man Night" in pure man form, we built a bonfire, grilled steaks and baked potatoes, and did one more manly thing.

We all wore our best mustaches.

Don't judge! It was a requirement for attending the party, and we take our party rules pretty seriously here on Rancho Santa Fe.

Enjoy the photo documentation, and Happy Friday!

Baked potatoes cooking in the bonfire. So many mustaches gathered 'round.

Up Goes the Christmas Tree

2011-12-14T10:37:00.000-06:00

The Christmas countdown is in full swing! Employees leave for Christmas vacation this Friday, we foreigners have started planning our own Christmas feast menu (I think we're getting a HAM!), and decorations abound.

My favorite piece of decor so far is the Christmas tree out front of the Girls' House. There's a huge metal cone structure on the lawn outside Talita Kumi (Girls' House). A few weeks ago, the girls ran loose on the Ranch ripping leaves off trees, which they then used to cover the outside of the cone structure. It's actually pretty genius.

Throw on some ribbon and some spray paint, and voila! Cutest giant Christmas tree structure ever.

Beans: Red vs. Black

2011-12-13T17:35:00.000-06:00

In Guatemala, we ate a lot of beans. And by "a lot," I really mean "A LOT." I wish you could hear the all-caps-bolded-also-underlined exaggeration in my voice. Seriously, mucho beans.

At NPH Honduras, we eat beans too. Not nearly as much, but they're still a staple food. Except there is one huge difference.

Guatemalans eat black beans -- most commonly known as the beans you (I) probably order in your (my) Qdoba burrito. Yumm.

Hondurans eat red beans. Weirdos.

To the untrained eye, you may not be able to see much of a difference between the back beans and the red beans.

(You do, however, probably notice that plates from NPH Guatemala and NPH Honduras show a striking resemblance!)

I promise you though, the bean difference is a big deal. Celeste and I came across canned black beans the other week in the grocery store. We almost bought them, but I just couldn't bring myself to spend my fragile stipend on...beans.

Help. I'm spending my time blogging about cross-cultural bean issues. Someone mail me a Qdoba burrito STAT!

New Year's News!

2011-12-12T15:13:00.000-06:00

I just planned a spontaneous New Year's trip, and I AM SO EXCITED.

Nearly two years ago (whoa -- scary to write that), I first met Cheryl when we both arrived in Guatemala in January of 2010. She was my first official Central American travel buddy, and she remains one of my all-time favorites. She's also the best Thanksgiving host ever.

While catching up this weekend, she invited me to spend New Year's with her back at our favorite Guatemalan destination, beautiful Lake Atitlan. I didn't even need to think about my answer. "Yes. When should I arrive? How long can we stay? When will the overeating at Guajimbo's begin?"

Within a few hours of her invite, I'd booked a flight (I got a good deal, and the bus takes like 14 hours; I'll consider it a Christmas present to myself) and started my mental countdown.

Gracias a Cheryl for her never-ending hospitality, and gracias a Dios for this much-much-much-needed vacation. In just a little over two weeks, I'll be here!

This will be my third New Year's in a row spent in Guatemala and my second spent at Lake Atitlan. Life may not be perfect, but I'd say things could be a whole lot worse. :)

The Results Are In...

2011-12-09T16:15:00.001-06:00

...and the winners of the 5th Annual NPH International Soccer Tournament are:

Girls -- Mexico (last year's winners -- the trophy is going right back where it came from)

Boys -- Honduras (home team wins!)

So the results were sad for Guatemala, but Honduras won on their own field! That was exciting! The final game even came down to a shootout that had to be rushed because it was getting dark. Pretty intense ending. :)

Happy weekend to everyone, and see you next week!

Why Is There a Donkey Outside My Door?

2011-12-08T10:17:00.001-06:00

Question of the day: Why is there a donkey outside my door?

So camera shy.

Sneak Peek: El Rancho

2011-12-08T08:00:00.000-06:00

I know I still owe you an official tour of the Ranch, but here's a sneak peek to hold you over.

It's my daily walk this week to and from the soccer fields. Pretty, huh?

The NPH International Soccer Tournament

2011-12-07T08:00:00.000-06:00

Mexico v. Guatemala

The tournament -- or torneo -- is in town. I've mentioned it to you about a million different times, but what does it mean?

For starters, NPH (if you didn't know) is an international nonprofit operating children's homes in nine different countries. Our homes in Mexico, Honduras, Haiti, Nicaragua, Guatemala, El Salvador, the Dominican Republic, Peru, and Bolivia may each do things slightly differently, but they are all part of the much larger Nuestros Pequeños Hermanos family. Together, right this second, 3,800 kids are being cared for by these nine homes. In the past 50 years, NPH has raised a total of nearly 17,500 children.

In recent years, there has been an increased emphasis on intra-NPH work. Kids from each home meet up for leadership workshops. House directors hold annual conferences. Last year, I even attended a Home Correspondent workshop in Nicaragua, where representatives from each NPH house came together to better define and standardize our job role across all nine countries.

NPH is shifting to a more global focus, and a focus that strives to drive home the idea of brothers and sisters around the globe.

In 2007, with this idea in mind, a beloved tradition was born: the NPH International Soccer Tournament.

For one week every December, one NPH home hosts teams from Mexico, Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, and Nicaragua. (Dominican Republic, Haiti, Peru, and Bolivia are left out at the moment. Sorry -- you're just too far away!) Each house brings a girls' team and a boys' team, and being selected for your home's team is both an honor and an amazing travel opportunity.

The weeklong tournament is jam packed. Games go from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Community meals, nightly activities, time for new friends, and an end-of-week excursion fill in the rest of the schedule. (Using their impressive time-management skills, these teenage players also find time to pick up boyfriends and girlfriends from other NPH homes. Who's impressed, haha?) The most anticipated moment (of course) is watching the week's champions receive their gigantic trophies.

I'm a lucky girl to be at NPH Honduras the year we host the tournament. The torneo is a big big deal -- and a healthy reminder that the NPH community exists far beyond my office walls.

Guate Wins Both Games Today!

2011-12-06T18:12:00.001-06:00

Call me a traitor. It's okay. Wouldn't be the first time it happened this week. :)

The NPH International Soccer Tournament is in town (I swear to give a little background on it in an upcoming post), pitting NPH houses against one another. Sure, we usually like to say we're all "one big family," but, um, this is futbol. It's different -- everyone knows that. You pick your team, and you stay loyal.

As far as my loyalty goes, I've been in Honduras about a month and a half, and I spent 13 entire months in Guatemala. I may be employed by this house right now, but can you guess who I'm rooting for?

:D

Today was an awesome day for Guate, too! The girls won their game in the morning, 4-1 over Nicaragua, and the boys won this afternoon, 4-0 over Mexico! The teams from Guatemala play four games tomorrow (whoa), so it's going to be a big day.

¡Vamos Guate!

Girls win!

Boys win!

11 Things to Know at 25(ish)

2011-12-06T09:19:00.001-06:00

I saw this on a friend's blog today. It's a little more religious than I tend to post here, but it's a great article. For anyone who's 25...ish, go read!

11 Things to Know at 25(ish)

Or, if you don't feel like reading, a few of my favorite lines from the article:

"You can work for almost nothing, or live in another country or volunteer long hours for something that moves you. There will be a time when finances and schedules make this a little trickier, so do it now. Try it, apply for it, get up and do it."

"...he told me I couldn’t complain to him about finding the right job until I was 32. In his opinion, it takes about 10 years after college to find the right fit, and anyone who finds it earlier than that is just plain lucky. So use every bit of your 10 years: try things, take classes, start over. "

"Some of the most life-shaping decisions you’ll make during this time will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can’t-live-without."

"Lots of people move around in their 20s, but even across the distance, make an effort to invest in the friendships that are important to you. Loyalty is no small thing, especially in a season during which so many other things are shifting."

"The act of feeding oneself is a skill every person can benefit from, and some of the most sacred moments in life happen when we gather around the table. The time we spend around the table, sharing meals and sharing stories, is significant, transforming time. Learn to cook. Invite new and old friends to dinner. Practice hospitality and generosity. No one cares if they have to sit on lawn furniture, bring their own forks or drink out of a Mayor McCheese glass from 1982. What people want is to be heard and fed and nourished, physically and otherwise—to stop for just a little bit and have someone look them in the eye and listen to their stories and dreams. Make time for the table, and you’ll find it to be more than worth it every time."

"There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either."

Now, go read the entire thing! :)

Stayed Tuned! The Torneo is Here!

2011-12-05T21:06:00.001-06:00

This week is going to be crazy...

...because the 5th Annual NPH International Soccer Tournament is in town!

Honduras is extremely proud to be hosting this year's tournament, and the teams from Mexico, Guatemala, Nicaragua, and El Salvador all arrived this weekend. Four games per day from now through Thursday is going to make this one busy semana -- full of sunburns, cheering, and hopefully lots of goals.

Stay tuned for updates!

Spontaneous Tegus Trip!

2011-12-05T20:07:00.001-06:00

Hello everyone! We're back from the weekend! Hope yours was lovely, and here's the rundown on mine:

This weekend, I had my first spontaneous overnight trip to Tegus!

Tegus (the shortened form of Tegucigalpa) is the capital of Honduras. It's the country's largest city, and like most international capitals in this area, it's considered to be crowded, dirty, and dangerous. It's also our only tie to civilization out here, and at an hour away, it's the closest place we can access grocery stores, post offices, banks...real life.

It's also the place volunteers and staff sometimes make a quick escape to! Not because the city is particularly beautiful (you remember I described it as crowded, dirty, and dangerous, right?), but because it's a change of pace! And a much needed one. :)

Well, Friday morning I got a call from a few other girls here saying they were heading into Tegus for the night for some good food and errand running. They let me tag along, and we were off that afternoon!

We spent the remainder of Friday afternoon and night -- eating. That's always a great vacation in my book. We grabbed a late lunch at Wendy's, discovered caramel lattes and carrot cake cupcakes at Espresso Americano, and then stocked up on beer. We headed back to our hotel, brought the cervezas up to the roof, and enjoyed our drinks over gossip, venting, girl talk, and a sunset that actually made Tegus look picturesque.

Later, we ate a super fancy, super delicious Italian dinner of bruschetta, grilled vegetables (do you know how big of a deal it is for us to get grilled, seasoned veggies???), and pizza with ricotta cheese and arugula. We completed the night with a drink at Chili's -- yes, the U.S. chain restaurant -- because apparently, that's where Hondurans go on Friday nights. The place was bumpin. Seriously, Chili's really is the party spot. Daiquiris may have only been $1.50, but the experience was still weird.

Saturday morning we continued the eating binge with Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast, and then we ran errands, explored, and did some grocery shopping before heading back to the Ranch that afternoon.

All in all, such a fun Tegus trip! I was definitely ready for a night off the Ranch, and a trip spent with good company and good food always puts me in a good mood. :)

Lightning Bugs

2011-12-01T17:12:00.001-06:00

Lightning bug = Luciérnaga

Every single night, without fail, the lightning bugs make me really happy.

Every night, at about 5:50, I walk from my room over to the kitchen to get dinner. Every single time, as soon as I cross the little bridge that leads into the dirt path that winds through the grass, I see 'em. The lightning bugs!

Every single time, it catches me by surprise. I'm thinking about how I'm starving or how I should have brought my flashlight (crap), and then I notice the little glowing pinpricks hovering right above the grass. Nearly every time, even when walking alone (yes, I'm awkward), I squeak out loud, "Ah! Lightning bugs!"

I guess I didn't expect to find lightning bugs in Honduras. Or I didn't expect to find them out and about in December. I can't remember the last place/time I consistently saw lightning bugs, but they're here -- every single night.

I believe it's a good-ol'-USA fact that lightning bugs conjure up images of summer and freedom and youth and barefoot-ness (word?) Well, it holds true here too, even in the middle of rural Honduras.

I hope the lightning bugs stick around through the cooler months. Because for one millisecond every single night, those little glowing butts make me so freakin' happy. :)

Hey There December

2011-12-01T17:03:00.000-06:00

I can’t believe it’s December already! Christmas decorationsare breaking out (two Christmas trees have gone up in the past four days), and itseems like the entire Ranch is mentally preparing for all real work to stop…untilabout mid-January. :)

With all that’s coming up (Honduras is hosting the NPHInternational Soccer Tournament next week, then there’s Christmas, then NewYear’s), December is shaping up to be a crazy, but great, month.

In the words of the new month’s calendar page:

One Month

2011-11-30T16:21:00.001-06:00

Today marks one month. One whole month in Honduras. That's crazy!

On the one hand, the weeks seem to fly by on the Ranch. On the other hand, it feels like I've been here forever -- not just one measly little month.

Sorry for the less-than-exciting blog update, but it's been a busy past few days. I just felt like saying: Happy One Month Anniversary to me. :)

Nos vemos!

P.S. Ranch weather update: All of a sudden, it is freezing and crazy windy this week! I was wearing tank tops last week. Where did this come from? Good thing I stocked up on cardigans before I left. (Cardigans = Crucial. Isn't that right, Emily?)

Rainbow in 4 Takes

2011-11-28T09:00:00.000-06:00

Rainy season is technically over in Honduras, but the last two weeks have still seen quite a few showers.

The downside? The rain, the mud, the element of surprise.

The upside? The rainbows.

Pretty awesome, huh?

Carrie Daut Is Not A Baker (Part 2)

2011-11-25T17:28:00.001-06:00

SO!

Thanksgiving dinner WAS AWESOME. I think it turned out better than any of us expected. We had a delicious turkey, delicious gravy, delicious mashed potatoes, delicious green bean casserole, delicious yams, delicious stuffing, delicious salad, delicious cranberry sauce, and delicious homemade pies.

And it all tasted just like Thanksgiving is supposed to. You would have never known we were in Honduras. Seriously. It was that good.

And yes, you spotted them -- those homemade crescent rolls. Here's how that turned out:

The dough does not start out looking very good.

I'm smiling to stop the oncoming I-can't-cook breakdown.

Still very unsure.

Nervous and thinking, "This better freaking work."

After a stressful experience getting the dough to flatten into a circle, divide into triangles, and roll into crescent shapes, I finally force these suckers onto a cookie sheet.

Actually not looking tooooo bad.

We all made it to the dinner table in one piece, so I guess that's the most important part.

Now, after slaving away up to my elbows in dough all afternoon (not exaggerating), I was pretty upset with the final result. I didn't think they actually tasted that good. The volunteers, however, ate 'em up!

Giant sigh of relief. I made about 60, and we probably ate half during dinner. Word on the street is that the other half were devoured by breakfast this morning. :)

This year, I am thankful that the volunteers' crescent roll standards have sunk so low. Happy Thanksgiving!

Carrie Daut Is Not A Baker (Part 1)

2011-11-24T11:26:00.001-06:00

Alright people, it's Thanksgiving. And we're trying to do it right from our little corner of Honduras.

Tonight, the gringos are getting together for a huge Thanksgiving feast. The menu will supposedly include turkey (!), green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, homemade pies, and more. It sounds so legit, doesn't it???

Since tonight's cena is a group effort, each person signed up to bring a plate. Celeste and I are teaming up, and we signed our names next to mashed potatoes and rolls. Simple enough, right?

We managed to purchase both real potatoes AND snag a box of instant ones at the grocery store (great find!), but the rolls have been a little trickier. The refrigerated Pillsbury type are nowhere to be found (we should have known better), and dragging back bags and bags of possibly-stale bread from Tegus just doesn't sound fun.

Our solution? Homemade crescent rolls from scratch. Can it really be that hard?

Can we really be that clueless?

(Note: If you know me at all, you know I am allergic to the kitchen.)

Anyway, blind to my own ineptitude, I did a trial run last night. It turned out...hmm, let's just say that it could have been worse and it could have been better. (At least we got one thing straight: instant yeast and active dry yeast are not the same thing. Katie Dowd, I can hear you laughing from here.)

This afternoon, we'll pick up the challenge where we left off. Wish me luck, and remind me to never attempt anything, from scratch, ever, ever, ever, again.

After a few adjustments, the dough finally rose!

Dough, I really really hate you.

"It's like I'm at the planetarium."

2011-11-23T08:44:00.001-06:00

On the Ranch, the stars are something else. They're bigger than big and brighter than bright, and they actually twinkle. They make me understand the term "blanket of stars," because it's like there isn't a single square of empty sky to be found. They're everywhere. They're gorgeous.

Saturday night was the first time I really noticed the stars here, but boy did I notice them.

I stood for a long time in the courtyard outside our room, head thrown back.

And all I could say was, "It's like I'm at the planetarium."

Line Drying Therapy

2011-11-22T08:40:00.001-06:00

You know what's kind of therapeutic?

Line drying your clothes.

In Guatemala, I was spoiled. I had real washing machines and real dryers. Laundry felt the same as it always had: go as long as possible without washing clothes, do six loads one Sunday, complain that everyone else was trying to do laundry that day too. Took me right back to college.

In Honduras, things are slightly different. I don't have a washing machine, and I definitely don't have a dryer. I'm supposed to be hand-washing all my clothes in the pila -- the big stone basin outside. (For a great pila how-to, see Thayer's post about it! She's currently in Guatemala, and the girls just taught her how to hand wash like a pro.)

Instead of supposedly washing all my clothes in the pila, I've actually found a washing machine loophole. (Shh! Don't tell!) The volunteers of NPH Honduras have one washing machine in their house here, and they let me use it! God bless you, volunteers.

Still -- no dryers though, which means we line dry everything. It also means I can't go weeks without doing laundry. For one, you'll run out of clothesline space for all those clothes. Two, line drying takes time, so you have to account for that when you realize you're almost out of clean pants.

I've decided line drying isn't actually that bad. I even find it kind of...therapeutic. Borderline enjoyable. Not as enjoyable, I realize, as if I'd had to wash all those clothes by hand and then hang them up to dry, but you get the idea.

Not. Half. Bad.

Hint: When you run out of clothesline space,

you can always use the bamboo that divides up parts of the garden.

That's the door to our room right there!

Let's Talk About Fear

2011-11-21T20:45:00.001-06:00

Let's talk about fear. Is that okay with everyone? Because I've been wanting to for a while. But I haven't. Due to...um, well, fear...I guess. So let's talk about it.

Sometimes people tell me I'm fearless. I can recall exact moments and places I've been told I'm brave: engraved on a graduation present, over shish kabobs in a guy friend's kitchen, written on a card from my best friend.

Those weird, seemingly insignificant moments stuck with me. They stuck with me because each time, in my head, I was thinking, "Whattt? I am?"

Gradually, after hearing it a few times, I started to believe. You're right, I'm not afraid to live in unknown cities, unknown countries. I'm not afraid to make new friends or learn new languages. I'm not afraid to take adventures. I'm not afraid to live far away from the people most important to me; I'm not afraid to miss them.

Maybe I am fearless. Hah, look at that!

Cue the engasada chorus. Really, Carrie? Get over yourself.

I believed it though, I really did. And I was pretty darn proud of myself.

But since moving to Honduras, I'm starting to think differently.

It's not what you're thinking. It's not suddenly dawning on me that I am, in fact, afraid of scary capital cities and communicating in Spanish and starting over with friendships and learning a new job and missing people. Those things may frustrate me sometimes, but they don't scare me. I don't fear them.

Maybe though, just maybe, I am starting to realize that I fear other things. Plenty of people go gallivanting around the globe, taking risks and making stories, but does it make us fearless? I'm not sure I believe that anymore. I think people like us fear mortgages and leases and car payments. We fear being entrenched in our life; we fear commitment. We're absolutely terrified of the word regret and the phrase what if? And we are scared to death of looking back and thinking we settled for even a millisecond.

Just like others' fear may keep them anchored in one town their entire life, our fear keeps us moving. It keeps us trying everything to make sure we don't miss anything. It has us creating blogs based on our mantra -- that you only live once. :)

My favorite definition of fearless is actually this one: "Fearless is not the absence of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. It's having fears. It's having doubts. Lots of them. Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death."

Call it a quarter-life crisis. Call it what you want. But if that's what it takes to truly be fearless, then what does that mean for me?

Huipil Pillows!

2011-11-20T20:09:00.001-06:00

Now if you were paying close attention to that last post, you might have spotted these.

That's to say, if you weren't too distracted by the sheets doubling as "curtains" or the giant jug of potable water we keep around for drinking and teeth brushing, you just might have seen the one decorative element of the room that really is flippin' gorgeous.

MY HUIPIL PILLOWS!!

Huipil (pronounced wee-peel) is a textile worn as a blouse by indigenous Mayan women. The Maya culture was (and still is) alive and thriving in Guatemala, so women everywhere -- on the bus, in the market, walking down the street -- don these beautiful tops. The designs often tell a story, or denote the wearer's home village.

My last week in Guatemala, I saw these pillow covers in Antigua's artisan market and couldn't get over how pretty they were!

(If you're having trouble figuring out how these once resembled blouses, picture this: a huipil is like an embroidered poncho sewn up on the sides. The round circle in the middle of the pillow was originally the neck hole. Got it?)

I was really excited to break these out in Honduras. I bought a cheap pillow in Tegus (about $3, I think?), ripped it open, divided the stuffing in two, and fluffed these puppies up. And I love how they look!

My huipil pillows make me so happy. :)

Wanna See My Room?

2011-11-20T19:50:00.001-06:00

It's no Taj Mahal, but wanna see my room in Honduras?

I figure it's only fair. I mean, if you want to properly stalk someone, you should be able to envision where they sleep. Creepy (but true), huh?

Here's the quick spin around the ~~fabulously furnished, tastefully decorated, spotlessly clean, super chic~~ dorm room Celeste and I currently live in:

My side. Can you spot yourself in any photos??

Heading over towards Celeste's side

Back wall. We bought those Christmas lights a couple weekends ago.

They're purple, and they're awesome.

Bathroom and closet. In the closet, the messy shelves belong to Celeste.

The meticulously organized ones are mine. :)

Fascinating, I know! :)

Thought of the Month

2011-11-16T16:01:00.001-06:00

Mehhhh. Today has been a crazy day in Honduras.

It's November though, which means this is what my calendar says all month:

Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

Good food for thought.

Honduras Smells Like Pine Trees

2011-11-16T08:00:00.000-06:00

I've blogged about the smells of Central America before. Apparently, that's what sticks with me in this part of the world. Who'da thought?

And while I only have about two weeks under my belt here at Rancho Santa Fe in Honduras, I already associate this place with a smell.

Pine trees. Pine needles. Lots of 'em.

The weird part isn't that this place smells like pine trees. They're everywhere on the property, so any idiot with a nose would agree with me. The funny part is what else I associate with pine needles, and as a result, what else I am now randomly associating with the Ranch.

Walking along pine-covered paths reminds me of Callaway Gardens. It's a place I used to go for family reunions every summer as a kid. I haven't been there in...shoot, at least 10 years...but I swear, the smell of pine trees takes me right back. It was the first thing I thought of my first day on the Ranch.

Wanna know the only other time I've had this same pine-tree-Callaway-Gardens flashback?

The first time I ever visited William & Mary's campus. My dad and I drove 10 hours for a campus tour, I took two steps along those pine-covered old brick pathways, and I immediately thought, "Hmm, smells like Callaway Gardens."

Ranch. Pine. Callaway. College. (I feel like there's a "What has search overload done to us?" commercial on loop in my brain.)

That sense of smell -- sure is a weird one. :)

Whoa. Avocado!

2011-11-15T16:28:00.001-06:00

I can't believe it! Saturday night for dinner, they served us avocado halves. WHOA. I was so excited!

I think the avocado just increased the total price of this meal by about...oh...one thousand percent or so.

The DataCHO

2011-11-14T16:56:00.001-06:00

Weird title, I know. Here's the deal:

Around the Ranch, people use projectors for various activities -- movies, presentations, whatever. For some reason, everyone chooses to refer to the projector by its English name. But not the name you and I would use, a.k.a. "projector." (That just makes too much sense.)

For some weird reason, the English name they choose to bestow upon the projector is "data show." (Really, who says that?)

And for the weirdest reason of all, in their Honduran Spanish it comes out sounding like DA-TA-CHO. It. Is. Hilarious.

Hondurans are walking around left and right asking to borrow dataCHOs, and we gringos are forced to do everything we can to not burst out laughing. Seriously, it sounds way more like Chinese than it does any mix of Spanish-English.

Datacho. DataCHO. So good, right?

Yet despite its ridiculous Honduran name, Celeste and I currently love the datacho. Because now, instead of having to watch Fringe (our new TV series of choice) on a laptop propped on a chair, we get to do this:

Ready?

Ooh, look!

Ta-da!!

Nos gusta. And yeah, we know we're cool. :)

These Days, I Live on a Ranch.

2011-11-14T16:29:00.001-06:00

Before coming to Honduras, I knew I'd be living on a ranch, but somehow, I don't think I really got it.

Yeah, a ranch. Cool. But Spanish-speaking people throw around the word "rancho" all the time, don't they? I mean, I know everyone at NPH Honduras refers to it as "the Ranch," but that's just an abbreviation of its name -- Ranch Santa Fe --- right? (In Guatemala, we called it "the Casa" -- short for Casa San Andrés.) No big deal. And yeah, the website says it's a 2,000-acre piece of land, but that just makes it sound fancy in print. Right?

Hah.

Apparently, my brain had a problem fathoming 2,000-acre ranch until I was actually smack in the middle of it. Surrounded by cows. And horses. And bunnies. And chickens. And snakes (haven't actually seen one yet, but others have!) And fields of corn, cucumbers, peppers, watermelon, tomatoes, cabbage, lettuce, limes, and a million other fruits and veggies. And a pond. And a reservoir. And a dam where kids go swimming. And forest -- tons of forest!

(Note: As a write this entry, a cow is circling my office. Yes, a cow. I've been warned to stay away from the cows -- they like to charge people. I kid you not.)

It takes the kids about 15 minutes to walk from their dorms to the on-site school, and it would take me at least 20 to walk from my room to the Ranch's front entrance. A school bus shuttles employees to and from the offices (tucked way back here in the far corner of the Ranch) every morning and every afternoon.

This place is massive.

So there you go! A better idea of this crazy place I'm now calling home. Maybe you'll picture it better from now on when I use the term "the Ranch." And maybe you won't be as surprised when I blog from bed rest after having been charged by a cow. (Kidding. But seriously, keep fingers crossed for me.)

Love from El Rancho,

Carrie

You Know You're Living in Honduras When...

2011-11-13T15:00:00.000-06:00

You know you're living in Honduras (or at least on NPH Honduras' massive ranch) when you walk out your office door and see this:

No, there's not a horse in the front yard every single day. But most days. Definitely the vast majority of days. I'm not sure exactly who this guy belongs to either, but he loves to wander. He gets spotted all over the Ranch. :)

You've All Been Asking

2011-11-13T09:00:00.000-06:00

Lots of people have been asking me about this, so let me just address this pressing issue publicly:

"What time is it where you are, Carrie?"

Well. Now that you folks have finished with Daylight Savings Time, Honduras is on the exact same time as the U.S. Central Time Zone. So rest easy, East Coast people. I'm only an hour behind you.

:)

Final Thoughts on Guate

2011-11-12T14:33:00.001-06:00

Being my first trip back there since leaving, Guatemala was great. It was great to reunite with friends. It was great to revisit old stomping grounds. It was great to look up and see volcanoes again. It was great to be back acting as my girls' full-time translator of Teen Bop articles.

In a lot of ways, it was easy (maybe too easy) to fall back into normalcy. Katie, Leeah, Celeste, and I "lived" together again. The kids, though maybe taller, looked the same. The campus looked the same. The chicken buses were the same. Lord knows the tiny town outside NPH Guatemala was exactly the same. Oftentimes, we caught ourselves feeling like we'd never even left.

Did those nine months in Louisville even exist? Were they real?

But then other times, the difference was all too real. Oh wait, that second house down the hill isn't mine anymore. I don't live there. I don't live here. I don't have a phone, and I'm having trouble functioning. I'm blanking out on the name of that restaurant I use to love. Oh my God, I'm blanking out on the name of so-and-so's brother. What is his name?

I'm not a volunteer anymore. I'm a visitor. A visitor.

I don't want to make it sound like the week was a depressing one. It wasn't. It was laughing and Zumba-ing and getting sunburned and playing soccer (well, I don't exactly play soccer, but I watch) and remembering how ridiculous these kids are, hah.

But it was weird. It's just a strange sensation to feel so comfortable in a place and with its people, yet all the while know that it's not really "yours." At least, it's not yours the way it used to be yours.

That being said, Guatemala's trip made me even more excited for Honduras. Guatemala isn't exactly "mine" anymore, but Honduras is about to be. And if there's a chance I could feel for Honduras what I felt for Guatemala, well, then this girl should definitely be excited. :)

Congrats, grads!

2011-11-12T14:19:00.001-06:00

The school year in Guatemala runs from January to October, so we arrived right in time to watch another class of our young'ns graduate. Just like last year, several of my girls were graduating from 6th grade (the last year of elementary school) and moving on to middle school. Awwww.

There weren't enough cap and gown sets to go around this year (womp womp), so the kids wore their uniforms instead. While disappointed at how this seriously downgraded our photos ops, we still snapped plenty of pics like the proud parents we were.

In the crowd with Marta. She graduated last year.

Juana! So excited for graduation!

Juana and Celeste

Esme and Lupe

Siblings Maria and José

A bunch of the lovely graduates.

Leeah and me -- rocking out the model elbow.

Esme!

Esme and Teresa

Leeah, Katie, me

Leeah, Celeste, me

Congrats, Guatemala class of 2011!

Zumba Obsessed

2011-11-12T14:02:00.001-06:00

Sooooooo...Zumba!

You do know what Zumba is, right? Come on, don't make me educate you on this one. Maybe you've seen a flyer about it at the gym. Or flipped past the crazy infomercial about it. Or maybe you secretly attend classes three times a week.

Regardless, it's Zumba -- the "Latin music fitness party" (their words, not mine). It made its way to the States a few years back, and apparently, it's made its way to NPH Guatemala too. At least to my group of preteen girls.

Approximately every single night I visited the section in October, the girls couldn't wait to pop in the Zumba DVD. (They only have one DVD, so they essentially do the same routines over and over and over and over again.)

And they also couldn't wait (should we really be surprised here?) to shove me onto my feet, push me in front of la tele, and coax me into my best Latin dance fitness moves.

The following is what resulted. Enjoy the laughs! (You're welcome.)

I'm exhausted just looking back on these photos. :)

Guatemala

2011-11-12T13:28:00.001-06:00

When I left the States in October, I didn't come straight to home sweet Honduras. First, I took a detour through Guatemala, meeting up with Katie, Leeah, and Celeste, for a 10-day trip down memory lane.

The kids were on school vacation, graduation was the 28th, and rainy season was over! We decided it would be the perfect time for a visit back to the place that meant so much to us. :)

And here's how we spent it!

Eating. Guatemala may not be known (def not) for its fine cuisine, but we'd definitely picked up a few favorites along the way. In between bags of Tortix Volteados, we also enjoyed:

Licuados. Yummm. Leeah and Katie with fresa flavor, I do believe.

Rosa de jamaica --> hibiscus tea!

That face just says it all.

Sarita ice cream!!!

I always get cookies and cream. Omgsogood.

Fresh squeezed orange juice from the lady by the bus stop! Served in a bag, duh.

So delicious! (So pale.)

Watching and/or playing volleyball and/or matado. (Anyone remember aerial bombardment from middle school P.E.? Matado is kind of like that.)

Run!

Runnnnnn!

Oh hi, Melany.

Working out to Zumba. This definitely requires its own post. Here are a couple pics to tease you, but keep reading for more!

Celebrating graduation! (Also its own post to come.)

Annnnnd being cold. We'd just about forgotten how freaking freezing it gets in the Guatemalan highlands.

Overall, a great trip. And a great transition to Honduras. :)

And so it begins...

2011-11-12T12:44:00.001-06:00

Alright guys, I'm sorry I kept you waiting. I've finally finally finally reached a point where I feel together enough (unpacked, phone, keys: check. food, internet, office: semi-check.) to sit down and start updating you.

Now that I'm here though, I have no idea where to start! There's a lot I want to tell you, and a lot I want to show you, but I'm drawing a blank on any sophisticated way in which to begin.

Well, here we go. Let's do this. Let's start at the...beginning. :)

I Made It! (Please Hang in There for Updates!)

2011-11-03T12:20:00.000-06:00

Helloooooo!

I'm here! In Honduras! I made it! I'm alive!

I'm sorry I haven't been blogging, but I warned you it might be a while before I'd be communicating regularly. I still have no office. No permanent internet access. No keys to important places. No phone for calling the States. No food in my kitchen. I still haven't unpacked.

Cut me some slack! :)

Guatemala was great (I'll post about it later), and I arrived in Honduras late Sunday night. I can't believe it's almost the weekend already!

I will have tons to update you with, but for now, just be patient. Porfa. :)

I'm here though! And I'll be in touch soon!

Bienvenidos a Honduras

2011-11-03T12:19:00.001-06:00

Honduras bound! Here we go.

2011-10-18T08:53:00.000-06:00

Hey guys! It's Carrie! I'm back. For real. Like, seriously. Really. With a promise to keep blogging. Cross my heart!

And what the heck am I up to now?

Oh, I'm living in Honduras this time. :)

That's right, I'm headed back to Central America! During my 9-month Louisville layover, I just couldn't shake the itch to live abroad again -- and to be a part of NPH again. It made it hard to imagine myself in any U.S. city doing any job at all. It drove me crazy. It made me an insane person.

So in July, I started emailing some NPH contacts just to see what was out there. Did anyone know of any jobs anywhere? And that's when the funny part happened. After months of feeling opportunity-less and lost, with just a few emails, the opportunities started pouring in. Apparently that's what happens when you realize what you want.

On September 1, I accepted a position at NPH Honduras. In the six weeks since then, my life has been a whirlwind of car selling, vaccine getting, flight booking, insurance changing, job quitting, phone canceling, contact lens procuring, and more. (Discovery: You can, in fact, uproot your entire life in just six weeks. A big change doesn't require nearly as much time as you think it does.)

And starting in November, I will be the new Fundraising Projects Coordinator for the Honduras house. I'll fill you in with more information later, but it's essentially my job to look at the needs of the house (new roof? new uniforms? new farm animals?), turn them into specific fundraising projects, and work with the international fundraising offices to make projects happen. I'm excited. :)

I'm also excited to be living in Honduras! For one, I have high hopes for this country, site of the amazing scuba diving adventure. Two, the NPH Honduras home is a 2,000-acre ranch. That is awesome. And three, I'm joining Celeste! Once housemates at NPH Guatemala, we are now both employees at NPH Honduras. It's a small, funny world.

Alright, I should be packing. I just wanted to catch everyone up to speed -- and get you following the blog again!

Starting tomorrow, I'll be visiting NPH Guatemala (and reuniting with Katie, Leeah, and Celeste!!!!!) for a week and a half. I'll get to NPH Honduras around November 1, and then I'll do my best to start updating you all right away.

Until then, cuidate, and keep in touch. See ya soon!

VisitSouth Update 20

2011-10-16T09:41:00.000-06:00

Breeders' Cup World Championships 2011, Louisville, KY - Thoroughbred racing's most prestigious two-day event

VisitSouth Update 19

2011-10-12T08:51:00.003-06:00

Mark's Feed Store, Louisville, KY - Take a big bite of Kentucky barbecue

VisitSouth Update 18

2011-10-09T11:27:00.000-06:00

Louisville Ghost Walks, Louisville, KY - Explore the haunts of downtown Louisville -- if you dare

VisitSouth Update 17

2011-10-05T09:16:00.003-06:00

Joe Huber Family Farm, Starlight, IN - A Louisville pumpkin picking tradition

VisitSouth Update 16

2011-10-02T10:29:00.004-06:00

B.B. King at The Louisville Palace, Louisville, KY - The King of Blues plays Derby City

VisitSouth Update 15

2011-09-29T09:40:00.001-06:00

Kentucky Bourbon Trail, Bardstown/Lawrenceburg/Versailles, KY - Beautiful scenic byways lead visitors through Kentucky's proud tradition

VisitSouth Update 14

2011-09-26T16:01:00.003-06:00

610 Magnolia, Louisville, KY - Global techniques plus local product create one of the finest restaurants in the country

VisitSouth Update 13

2011-09-22T10:38:00.005-06:00

Locust Grove, Louisville, KY - Tour the historic grounds of one of Louisville's oldest homes

VisitSouth Update 12

2011-09-19T14:01:00.000-06:00

Bluegrass Brewing Company, Louisville, KY - Louisville's original microbrewery and brewpub

VisitSouth Update 11

2011-09-16T15:12:00.004-06:00

Glassworks, Louisville, KY - A downtown hotspot dedicated to the art of glass

VisitSouth Update 10

2011-09-12T13:21:00.000-06:00

Mammoth Cave National Park, Mammoth Cave, KY - Spend a fall getaway discovering the longest known cave system in the world

VisitSouth Update 9

2011-09-08T12:42:00.000-06:00

First Friday Trolley Hop & Frankfort Avenue Trolley Hop, Louisville, KY - Louisville's monthly street parties -- they're hoppin' and they're free

VisitSouth Update 8

2011-09-05T16:03:00.003-06:00

St. James Court Art Show, Louisville, KY - Autumn brings art to historic Old Louisville

VisitSouth Update 7

2011-09-02T08:14:00.000-06:00

El Mundo, Louisville, KY - Hot summer nights call for cold margaritas

VisitSouth Update 6

2011-08-29T10:19:00.004-06:00

Falls of the Ohio, Clarksville, IN - Ancient fossil beds make a rare riverside photo op

VisitSouth Update 5

2011-08-26T10:19:00.001-06:00

WorldFest 2011, Louisville, KY - Louisville's annual festival celebrating her cultural diversity

VisitSouth Update 4

2011-08-21T14:39:00.000-06:00

Lake Cumberland, Jamestown/Monticello/Somerset, KY - For your next long weekend, get away to the water

VisitSouth Update 3

2011-08-18T09:33:00.002-06:00

Heine Brothers' Coffee, Louisville, KY - Fair trade coffee in nine cozy neighborhood locations

Guest Blogging for Friends of the Orphans!

2011-08-17T10:16:00.005-06:00

Today I'm the guest blogger at Friends of the Orphans, the U.S. fundraising branch of NPH.

(And if you've been paying attention at all this past year and a half -- come on, guys,-- you know that NPH is the organization I was with in Guatemala.)

So, today I got to guest blog about my time in Guatemala!

Go check out my post, called All of This Really Works.

:)

VisitSouth Update 2

2011-08-15T19:54:00.003-06:00

Kentucky Bourbon Festival 2011, Bardstown, KY - Celebrating the "spirit" of Kentucky in the Bourbon Capital of the World

VisitSouth Update 1

2011-08-12T10:36:00.004-06:00

Rocking Horse Manor Bed & Breakfast, Louisville, KY - Victorian charm meets modern-day comfort

So I'm a Big Fat Liar

2011-08-12T10:28:00.002-06:00

Alright readers -- if any of you are still even out there, -- clearly my last post was a big fat lie. I did not, as promised, return to blogging.

I thought about it. I felt guilty about it. I even stared at the little orange "Create New Post" button more than once. But I just couldn't do it. I just didn't have it in me. As much as I wanted it to be, this "layover in Louisville" was not a time to be excitedly blogging about my daily activities. Because to be honest, they aren't very exciting. They're certainly no Guatemala.

But, it has been a time to lie low and save up money, which I have been successful at! And that reminds me: I have a new blogging project.

Relax! I'm no traitor! I haven't abandoned You Only Live Once! Let's just think of it as...I'm on sabbatical. :)

I'm now the Louisville writer for VisitSouth.com, a great website about where to go, what to see and what to eat throughout the South. I'm posting twice a week there, keeping myself busy exploring this city.

So follow me! I've decided to start linking to all my new posts from here. I know it's not exactly the same, but as a good friend recently told me, "It's like I can still stalk you. Well, I can at least stalk where you are eating this week." :)

So stay tuned! Take notes on all of Louisville's restaurants, hotels, attractions and events for the next time you want to come visit me (wink, wink, nudge, nudge), and in the meantime, you have some catching up to do!

Past posts:

Bernheim Arboretum and Research Forest, Clermont, KY - a 14,000-acre nature preserve for the eco-friendly traveler
Hillbilly Tea, Louisville, KY - "Y'all come on by for a jar of tea"
Louisville Slugger Museum & Factory, Louisville, KY - Sure to be a hit -- for baseball fans young and old
Wild Eggs, Louisville, KY - Best breakfast in town
Georgetown Drive-In, Georgetown, IN - A slice of Americana at a beloved roadside attraction
Coals Artisan Pizza, Louisville, KY - The artisan pizza trend comes to Kentucky
Holiday World & Splashin' Safari, Santa Claus, IN - Free parking, free drinks, free sunscreen, priceless fun
Kentucky State Fair 2011, Louisville, KY - Just you and 600,000 of your closest funnel cake-eating, ride-riding, concert-going friends
Dairy Kastle, Louisville, KY - Because the longest lines always lead to the best ice cream

Oops. Brb.

2011-04-14T11:55:00.000-06:00

Ok, so apparently I suck at blogging from a non-Guatemala location. I really did have all intents of blogging at least once over the past two weeks, but I just became...busy.

Busy?! I have a busy life now? I know! It's a nice surprise.

I promise I'll stop neglecting the blog and update you on life -- but not 'til next week. :)

Tomorrow morning, I'm headed out on a flight for Young Guarde Weekend at William & Mary!! So excited. So ready to be there. But so not packed.

Be in touch next week!

Confession.

2011-04-01T09:00:00.002-06:00

I have a confession. And it's embarrassing.

After over 24 years of never, ever, evvvvvver letting this happen, I did. At work one day. And I'm so ashamed.

I said, full-out, without any hesitation, the word y'all.

I'm still trying to recover.

Comfort Food This Morning

2011-03-31T12:09:00.000-06:00

Pillsbury Orange Sweet Rolls. Delicious. And we go way back.

Why Working in a Restaurant -- For Now -- Doesn't Totally Suck

2011-03-31T09:00:00.000-06:00

Alright, so I'm waiting tables. No, it's not a career move, it's not something "I've always dreamed of doing," and it's certainly not something I plan on doing for the rest of my life. But for right now, it was a good decision. And it's actually a lot more work than I ever gave people credit for.

I'm in a period of downtime and refueling, and waiting tables works well for that. Plus, it doesn't totally suck, and here's why:

- I'm getting exercise? I do a lot of running around, lifting things (buckets of ice, bins of chips, pans of salsa), and very little sitting down. Oh, and laugh if you want, but the plates we use are heavy! Seriously, I think my arms are getting bigger and my thighs are getting smaller. Nice.

- I get to practice my Spanish -- a LOT! That's not something I thought would happen back in good ol' Kentucky.

- I have a very flexible schedule.

-I bring home cash. However, I do feel a little weird going to the bank every week to deposit lots and lots of $5 bills...

- When I find myself in a new city in the near future and am totally broke and jobless (again), I'll at least know I can fall back on my waitressing experience to keep me from starving. Because apparently, in today's economy, you can't even get a freaking restaurant job without prior work experience.

- And lastly, serving tables is basically...a rite of passage. I don't think you're really allowed to say you were ever young and broke...unless you've waited tables.

And that's me, trying to look on the bright side of things. Hip hip hooray.

______ Reminds Me of Guatemala!

2011-03-30T12:45:00.000-06:00

Drinking tea (out of Leeah's mug!) reminds me of Guatemala! :)

We Knew How to Pick 'Em

2011-03-30T09:00:00.001-06:00

I haven't thought much about high school in a while. In fact, I probably stopped really thinking about high school once freshman year of college got going and intense love and pride for a new school took over.

But now, now that I'm once again living in the place I haven't really lived in, well, since high school, I'm understandably brought back to those days a little more often.

Don't get me wrong, I liked high school. Heck I loved high school while I was in it. But looking back, we did stupid things and thought stupid things and believed we were "living the best days of our lives" haha -- when, in fact, we hadn't really experienced much of anything. (Yes, I realize that when I'm 50 I'll be reciting these very same words about my twenties.) I guess, in a lot of ways, I've just liked putting high school behind me. Who doesn't?

But there is something I don't think I gave our teenage selves enough credit for: friends. We knew how to pick 'em.

Now that I'm back in Louisville, I still see Greg every day or so because we work together, and I still walk next door to kill time at Emily's just as much, if not more, than I did during high school. Last Wednesday "the four of us girls" -- our high school clique, if you will -- shared margaritas and Mexican food. On Saturday night, a different six of our gang went out, including Michael, who I probably hadn't seen since high school. And this weekend at a wedding, we'll see even more people.

Every time I come home from one of these get-togethers, my first reaction is always, "Wow, it was SO good to see them! I'm surprised how much fun that was!" And my second reaction is, "Wait, why am I surprised?" Like I said, we knew how to pick 'em, and I think I sometimes forget that.

I've been halfway around the world and back a couple of times, so I'm certainly not the same high school Carrie (Thank God). But I guess there's still a little bit of her in me (And I'm okay with that). Changing, but not totally forgetting where you've been, I think that's called growth. That makes you human.

And having some people who stay fairly constant along the way? Hmm. I think that just makes you lucky.

Oh Em Gee Read

2011-03-29T11:12:00.000-06:00

We Need to Talk About Kevin, by Lionel Shriver

I started this book about a month and a half ago, had trouble getting into it (it's sort of a downer -- the story is a fictional set of letters that a wife is writing to her husband after their teenage son carries out a massive school shooting), but then picked it up again last night. And I couldn't stop reading.

I stayed up 'til 2 a.m. finishing the book, and at about 1:45 a.m. when I yelled out loud "WHAT! Oh my God!!" in regards to the plot, I was really glad I hadn't been reading in some public place. Like on an airplane. Or in a coffee shop. That could have been awkward.

Sooooo good!

Top 5 Adjustments

2011-03-28T16:25:00.000-06:00

You don't need to be an Einstein to know that coming back to the States after a year in Guatemala was certainly an adjustment. Ignoring the much more complicated emotional-mental-heart side of it, let's just skip right to the nitty gritty part.

What were the five strangest things to adjust back to?

5. Snow. I came back in January, right in the worst of winter. Snow, ice, sleet. Ew.

4. Being outside and not seeing mountains and volcanoes. This place feels so flat.

3. Basically having a house and a room to myself. Without seven housemates, my life is a lot quieter and a lot less exciting. I often find myself thinking back to our house with the cozy "living room" and the communal kitchen table. And I miss it.

2. Toilet paper goes in the toilet here.

And weird adjustment #1?

1. Remembering how to drive a car! Seriously, my first few weeks back behind the wheel were just terrifying.

Old Habits Die Hard

2011-03-28T15:47:00.000-06:00

I thought I noticed something odd the other day. And then my mom confirmed it yesterday.

"Carrie? Do you notice that we always seem to be out of bowls lately?"

YES. What is up with that?

I thought about it, and amazingly, the answer came to me almost immediately.

"Um, I think it's because I only ate out of bowls in Guatemala. Three times a day, every day. Pretty much." (Looking back, I actually mentioned it here.)

Hahahahaha. Apparently, old habits die hard.

My Friends Are So Wise

2011-03-24T12:47:00.000-06:00

In regards to my current life dealio:

"Carrie, you can't SEIZE (life, the moment, etc.) all the time. Eventually you have to take a break to refuel."

-Mr. Tom Milteer (see his students' adorable blog here!)

So What ARE You Doing Now?

2011-03-24T12:40:00.001-06:00

It's a fair question. Here, I'll do a little Q&A with you.

What are you doing now?
To make money, I'm waiting tables at a Mexican restaurant. Believe it or not, I don't hate it. Does it provide me an extreme sense of fulfillment? Hah. No. But I like the people I work with, I like the food, I'm bringing home cold hard cash, and I don't mind going to work every day. So that's good enough for now.

Outside of work, I spend part of my time doing some volunteer envelope-stuffing and phone-a-thon calling at my high school, another portion of my time keeping up with stay-in-touch phone calls and emails to friends spread all across the country, and the rest of my time slowly trudging through a to-do list that constantly says "write more, blog more, and cough up the money to join the gym."

Soooo...why Louisville?
I have love love love love LOVED all the hopping and bopping around I've done since graduation. Seriously. LOVED every second of it. But, to be honest, the feeling of "just scraping by" financially has left me a little bit exhausted. As Guatemala neared an end, I wasn't quite sure I had the energy to enter another adventure dead broke.

In Louisville, I'm lucky enough to be living rent-free with the 'rents for now, so even though I still feel broke ("Bills, Bills, Bills" appears to have been my welcome-back to-the-USA theme song), I know I'm saving big.

Plus, I've also been lucky enough to have stayed in touch with a lot of my high school friends. Granted, they all have their own lives here now, but since my return they have been nothing but generous in inviting me to jump right into those lives.

But you're looking for a real job, right?
Sort of, but not really. That's the truth.

I am keeping my eyes open for communications/publishing jobs in Louisville. So far, nothing I'd love has come up. And that's actually fine, because I've never had plans to stay in Louisville. If something comes up, I'll obviously pursue it. But no, I'm not very concerned with finding the dream job in a city I know I want to leave. And I don't think that makes me crazy.

I'm also keeping my eyes and ears open for great jobs in other cities. I've found plenty of those already, but I'm just still too broke for any major moves right now. Just gimme a sec. :)

But then why don't you just take any old real job in Louisville -- even if you hate it? At least you'd make more money faster, right?
Probably. But there are already a lot of depressing things about my current life situation. Please don't make me add Job I Loathe to that list. And for what? A line on my resume that I'll just delete anyway when I apply for future jobs because of its total and utter irrelevance?

So, you really don't think you're crazy?
My parents think I am insane, my peers probably think I have turned super lazy, and my all-too-nice friend Nick makes me sound much cooler by describing me as doing the "starving artist" thing. I appreciate that, haha.

I guess I'm just shooting for "realistic, with minimal settling-for-things-I-hate just in order to say I'm doing the 9-5."

So who knows. Maybe that makes me crazy. But that's the life update!

Correction.

2011-03-24T11:12:00.000-06:00

In the other day's post, I said that I was "friendless" in Louisville. I shouldn't have written that, because it's not what I meant. I should have written "social life-less," because that's what I really meant. The two are not the same.

So to my fellow margarita-drinkers from last night (I became friends with two of you 10 years ago and friends with another one of you 13 years ago -- whoa), I hope you knew what I meant. But just in case, here's an official correction. :)

Um. Yum.

2011-03-24T10:53:00.000-06:00

$4 margaritas + spicy bean tacos + yesterday's 80 degree weather + girls' night out = bliss?

Thanks, El Mundo. Locally-owned, locally-loved, and charmingly hole-in-the-wall (your bathroom includes a shower), you might just be my new favorite spot.

Reason #7 for Bringing Back the Blog

2011-03-22T12:29:00.002-06:00

Reason #7: Blogging to stay positive.

For whatever reasons, I tried to make it a point to keep my blog positive during my time in Guatemala.

Maybe it was because I was representing a volunteer organization and wanted to keep my public trash-talking to a minimum. Maybe it was because nobody likes a whiner, in person or via blog. Or maybe it was because of that whole "when you look back, you won't remember the bad things -- only the good things" mentality that made me think twice about whether I really wanted the future 40 year-old me to have to look back on published rants I'd already long forgotten about.

But regardless of the why, my blogging philosophy became one of positives. It was a daily exercise in which I forced myself to either find something good about my crappy day or turn the something crappy into something lighthearted and publishable.

Challenging at times? Yes. Yet incredibly healthy on a mental level? Quadruple yes. Which brings me to Reason #7.

It's safe to say I'm at my whiniest life stage yet right now. (I'm living at home, broke, basically friendless, and without an exact plan with an exact time frame. You don't want to get me started...) I tend to answer most How are you? questions with one of those drawn-out Fiiiiiiiine's that's actually asking your permission to let me whine about how not fine I am, and I know you're all getting sick of it. I'm getting sick of it.

Well! Time to change that. Maybe. Right?

So with Reason #7, I propose a toast. To more blogging, and less whining. :)

Reasons #1 - #6 for Bringing Back the Blog

2011-03-22T11:52:00.000-06:00

Reason #1: It's easier for you to stalk me this way.
Reason #2: I'd feel kind of guilty becoming only a fairweather blogger.
Reason #3: Something to make me wake up before 1 p.m. on mornings I don't work. (More on work later.)
Reason #4: An activity to keep me busy -- that's free!
Reason #5: Mental stimulation. It's refreshing dealing with words and phrases other than burrito, queso, cut tomatoes, deluxe enchilada, and frozen no salt. (Again, more on work later.)
Reason #6: I missed you, blog.

Here We Go...Again

2011-03-22T11:11:00.000-06:00

Hello to all my fans! (Wow, engasada much?)

Oh come on, you know I'm just kidding. Hi friends. :)

As you can see, after a short hiatus and a slight makeover (shout-outs go to HotBliggityBlog.com for another awesome background and to the folks at Blogger for adding new fonts -- woohoo!) the blog and I are back.

The theme this time around is exponentially less exciting, but exponentially more relatable, I think. I'm post-grad, post-awesome-Guatemalan-adventure, and post-all-life-plans-I-had-ever-lined-up-for-myself. In short, I've hit the phase of life that no obsessive compulsive planner like myself ever wants to hit. I call it:

Um, now what?

I'll keep this inaugural post short and sweet by ending here, but that's the gist of things for now, and I wanted you to know. So follow along with me, and watch this recent grad (wait, it will be two years in May), ok somewhat-recent grad, figure out what the heck to do with the now what.

And let's look on the bright side. I guess that with no exact plan, things could have the potential to get pretty unpredictable. :)

Te Quiero Mucho, Guatemala

2011-01-25T02:12:00.000-06:00

Well, this is this last blog from Guate. Can you believe it's even happening? Can I? No. Not at all. My bags have been packed, my goodbyes have been said, and I have about a 2-hour window for a nap before I leave for the airport. Ugh. Tomorrow is going to be a rough day.

So, in just a last few words before I hit the hay:

I know that among my loyal blog followers, my description of this place and these people and this year is practically scripture, hah. I tell you about the mundane and the important, and you feel like you're living it with me. But here's the thing -- no blog could achieve that. To understand this year, to really get it, you have to have lived it.

But do take my word on it: lived it we did. I can't count the number of risks and adventures and leaps of faith I took this year. We squeezed every moment for what it was worth.

I have laughed so much and so hard this year -- with kids, with friends, at myself. I don't remember the last time I laughed this much.

And I have loved so so so so much this year. To a million different people and places.

So from the bottom of my heart, thank you to everyone who followed along these past 13 months. I have no idea what comes next, but I'll keep you updated.

And to Guatemala, cuidate. Te voy a extrañar, y te quiero un montón.

Zero Ganas to Blog

2011-01-23T16:52:00.000-06:00

Started the packing today. Took down everything from my walls, so my room is really sad now. Tonight's my last normal night here. Still haven't accepted it.

I have zero ganas to blog. Meh.

Cupcake Fight

2011-01-22T09:02:00.001-06:00

Last night the comedor served cupcakes! We should have been excited for such a yummy treat, but we were mostly just excited to smear the icing all over one anther's faces. It was really mature of me.

What Leaving Feels Like: 4 Days to Go

2011-01-21T09:09:00.000-06:00

Today, leaving feels like this: I cannot actually believe that this afternoon is my official house despedida.

Every time a group of volunteers leaves, the NPH house throws them an official despedida -- an official going-away ceremony -- that every single person from the house attends up in the comedor. Today is mine.

It's our official despedida. We will get official seats of honor on benches in the middle of the crowd. The house will present us with an official going-away gift. The kids will perform official going-away dances for us. It is, officially, the last event we attend as NPH Guatemala volunteers. People start leaving tomorrow morning, and then the leaving is really made official.

Leaving feels weird, because you never actually think the day of your own despedida is, in fact, going to arrive.

Tortrix Volteados!

2011-01-21T08:59:00.000-06:00

Alright, here's a food I am going to miss A LOT from Guatemala. Tortrix Volteados!

Tortrix is a popular chip brand, and Volteados is my favorite flavor that they offer. But describing it to you will sound weird. That was your warning. Volteados is the word for Guatemalan refried black beans. Volteados are extremely popular throughout the entire country, but I actually hate them. Just looking at that black bean paste makes me want to gag. Ew.

However, for some reason, volteados flavored Tortrix are just about the most delicious thing I have ever eaten. Who'd have thought?

Muchísimas gracias to Nicole for this big bag present of Tortrix!!! I'm still deciding whether I should eat them over these next few days or try to bring them back to the States and enjoy there. :)

What Leaving Feels Like: 6 Days to Go

2011-01-19T10:00:00.005-06:00

Leaving feels like a cruel game of emotional ping-pong.

Sometimes, you wish time would just stand still and stop moving so fast. You can't even keep track of the minutes anymore.

But other times, you wish you could just fast forward and the leaving could be over. You wish this long, long, long and drawn-out goodbye could just please stop being so drawn-out.

In Their Básico Uniforms!

2011-01-18T12:31:00.000-06:00

A bunch of mis niñas graduated from elementary school back in October, and this week they've just started a new school year in básico -- or middle school.

At the NPH school, elementary school girls wear bright blue sweaters and plaid skirts, while middle school girls wear the older, more sophisticated all-navy ensemble.

So look how cute they are in their básico uniforms!!!

What Leaving Feels Like: 7.5 Days to Go

2011-01-17T21:16:00.000-06:00

Leaving feels like: moments when you second-guess yourself about whether you should have extended your year and stayed longer. Not every moment, but enough to make it annoying and just sad.

MIS Niñas

2011-01-17T15:11:00.000-06:00

When you first get here, you start out referring to your assigned section of kids just like that -- an assigned section of kids. You probably call them the kids, the boys, the girls, the section. "The girls made me this sign. I'm eating dinner with the the boys. I ran into the section in Parramos."

And then one day, I have no idea exactly when this happens, but one day you wake up and you start calling them the boys/girls/section a lot less, and you start using mis a lot more. Mis. Mine. My kids.

"Last night was so funny with mis niñas. Mis niños got in trouble again. Be sure to take care of mis niñas."

It's not a conscious decision to sound obnoxious to outside listeners. It just happens. They're yours, and you're theirs. And the just starts to sound weird. Too stuffy.

Yeah, definitely mejor, mis.

What Leaving Feels Like: 8 Days to Go

2011-01-17T13:34:00.002-06:00

People say that being the last to leave is the worst. That being left behind, having to say goodbye after goodbye after goodbye as you watch everyone else leave, has to be more painful than if you could just be the one to pick up and go. People say that not having your closest friends here, to help you with the leaving process, must be just horrible. And yeah, I guess it is. Leaving feels like that.

But leaving feels like something else too.

Leaving feels like the coming back, miraculously, is going to be a little bit easier. Because when I crash into the "Oh God, this is really over" moment, I realized I'll be crashing into lots of former-volunteers-turned-good-friends' upheld hands.

The number of times I've been told by them in the last week to hang in there, to call them as soon as I need to, to remember they are there for me, to let them help me through this whole miserable process -- is amazing. It's incredibly scary to feel like I'm stepping off a cliff into a giant post-January-25 abyss, but it's incredibly comforting to feel like they're already standing at the bottom of that cliff with a safety net for me to fall into.

So, being one of the last to leave. Maybe not ideal. But when you're lucky enough to have the ones who went before you standing there, turned around, waiting to help when it's your turn, well, there's something kind of awesome about that.

What Leaving Feels Like: 10 Days to Go

2011-01-15T15:53:00.001-06:00

Leaving feels like you are at your birthday party, or your graduation party, or your going-away party. Some event where the first five minutes are all about you. After a little while, your parents come over and say, "Honey, could you get up from that chair? And help us drag it over to that girl over there -- do you see her? She's going to be our new daughter when the party is over."

So you help them give away your own chair to someone you don't even know, and won't ever know. And then you're left standing in the middle of the party wondering if anyone even notices whether you're still there or not.

Leaving feels like my NPH family, little by little, is making me give away my whole life to some new person: my job, my kids, my friends, my room. And they're making me actively help with that entire heartbreaking process. It feels like any day now I'm going to wake up here and have nothing left to call "mine," and then I'm going to be left standing in the house wondering if anybody has even realized whether I'm still here or not.

Leaving sucks.

Tortilla Tutorial

2011-01-14T11:17:00.001-06:00

You can ask any NPH Guatemala volunteer, and they will tell you that there are two tortilla habits that you very quickly pick up from the kids here. They are things you would never have thought to do with tortillas before you got here, but after just a few months, it's completely second nature.

1. Use your cup as a tortilla holder. Your plate isn't big enough to hold your tortillas without them soaking up the other food, so what do you do? You copy every other kid at your table and put it on top of your cup, for safekeeping.

2. Roll your tortilla. Why did we never think of this one before? The most efficient, most delicious, least messy way to eat plain tortillas. Genius, and we swear it tastes better.

So yeah. I'm gonna have to watch myself when I'm back in the States eating at my first Mexican restaurant. Especially #1. That could be awkward. :)

Awww! I Love You Too, Girls

2011-01-13T12:50:00.000-06:00

Last night Marta called me from Nicole's phone to tell me to Ven! Tenemos una sorpressa! Come down here! We have a surprise! I assumed she was just making up the whole surprise thing in order to get me to come visit the section.

And then I got there, and I actually got my surprise!

The eight girls who used to be in my section but moved up last month to an older section -- the eight girls I invited to come back to my despedida on Tuesday night -- had made me a sign! It says "We Love You, Carrie." And the stickers also tell me I'm Girl of the Year, that I have a long list of goals, dreams, and friends, and that I'm a heartbreaker haha.

Awwwww. I love it.

Oh, and Two Quick Videos

2011-01-12T17:09:00.000-06:00

I think they had fun last night?

The Despedida, Part 2

2011-01-12T16:11:00.003-06:00

So, here's what we did! Last night, we had a pijamada! A sleepover. And we made those adorable pillows I've been saturating my blog with. Here's how it went. :)

We started off by eating dinner in the section. We brought food down from the comedor and all gathered in the sala. All of the Fatima girls were there, plus the eight girls who just moved out of my section last month, plus three tías, plus an año de servicio, plus me. We had a full house! We'd also dragged all of the girls' mattresses into the sala, creating one massive bed for all 30 of us to plop down upon.

I'd kept the whole pillow project a surprise, so when we'd finished eating, I finally revealed to the girls what was in the two huge bags I'd toted down to the section earlier. They'd been poking at them (Girls! Don't sit on that bag!) all night trying to figure out what was inside, hah.

Earlier this week, in authentic pijamada fashion, I'd made each girl a goodie bag! In her goodie bag, everyone received her two pieces of heart-shaped fleece, a card I'd written her, some photos I'd printed for her, and a couple of polovorosa cookies. And oh MAN were they excited to get 'em. I felt like Santa Claus pulling out goodie bag after goodie bag, calling out the girls' names. So much shrieking and freaking out and hoping I called so-and-so's name next. It was adorable.

Many thanks go out to the panadería in Parramos that made me a special order of 70 polvorosas!

Goodie bags!

Well, they loved their cards and they loved their photos (Ay mira! Y quiero ver las tuyas! Aw look! And I want to see yours!) and they loved the cookies and they LOVED making the pillows. They maybe even took it a little too seriously, those little perfeccionistas. Carrie, come help me cut this! Carrie, I'm going to mess it up! Carrie, over here next! Carrie, over here! Carrie, Carrie, Carrie! But in the end, the pillows turned out GREAT!

Afterwards, all 30-ish of us found spots on the giant sala-sized bed we'd created, and we proceeded (with new pillows tucked behind our heads) to watch movies until 2 a.m. It made me remember, haha -- when you're 13, the point of a sleepover is to not sleep. At all.

We slept in this morning until the very last minute and then dragged ourselves up to the comedor just in time for breakfast. The girls and I parted ways for the day, and I think I got more Gracias, Carrie's and Gracias por todo Carrie's than I maybe ever have. The despedida was a huge success, and I couldn't have asked for it to go any better. Man, love those girls.

The Despedida, Part 1

2011-01-12T14:32:00.000-06:00

La despedida. It means "the farewell," and as much as we'd like to deny it, that's where we're at now. The beginning of the farewell.

Sometime way back in volunteer history began the tradition of despedidas with the sections. Ever since then, it has become a ritual for each leaving volunteer to do something -- some kind of going-away event -- with their section of kiddos.

Back in May, I blogged about kids and birthdays. I talked about how the road to respect and to teaching these kids that volunteers-don't-equal-cash is...well, it's kind of through being a Scrooge. I said that being a volunteer at NPH means showing the kids, via not giving in, that I am here to share my time with you, not my bank account. And the same philosophy holds true when it comes to despedidas.

As your time comes to a close, the kids will start to tell you what they want you to give to them as your despedida. (There's a word you learn in Guatemala for this: engasado.) They'll ask you where you're going to take them for an all-day excursion or what expensive meal you're going to cook them. And can you even blame them? Odds are, it's what the volunteer before you did, or before them did, or what some other volunteer is doing this year. They're kids, and even after an entire year, they're still going to try to milk you for all you're worth.

But that's where you step in.

Yes, it's scary to tell the girls I'm not taking them on an excursion or cooking them anything -- everyone fears a disappointed kid -- but for me, neither an excursion or a home-cooked meal with my girls felt right. In my personal relationship with them, I wanted my despedida to be right here in the house; that felt right. And anyone who knows me will tell you that cooking for a huge group of people would give me a full-on anxiety attack, so that definitely didn't feel right. I know despedidas are for the kids, but if the entire point of having been their volunteer this year was to be a good role model to them -- just by being myself -- then my despedida should sort of feel like me, shouldn't it?

Besides, I've worked too hard for 12 months to show my girls that "Carrie is not here to give you money or presents or treat you to special things." Why would I throw all that away in the last 2 weeks?

I could tell you why, at least according to some people. Because they deserve it! They deserve something big! Hmm, okay. I mean, do they really though? And is that even the question we should be asking? What about, do they need a big fancy despedida?

Here. I'll tell you what they do need, and what they unarguably deserve: it's my time, my attention, and my interest in them. And those things don't have to be delivered in an out-with-a-bang despedida, at least I hope not.

Soooo, all that being said, read on for how I said "farewell" to the niñas this year... :)

Theme of the Year: It Always Works Out

2011-01-09T17:33:00.000-06:00

On Friday, all of us leaving volunteers attended a workshop in which we were supposed to look back on our time here...and then think about what life is going to be like next. At one point, we were discussing overarching experiences of the year -- themes of the year, if you will. I blurted out:

At the last minute, everything always works out. Guatemala -- somehow-- always seems to pull through.

And I could not mean it more.

So so so so so many times this year, I have walked into a day or a situation or a task and thought, "There is no way on earth this is going to happen. This is going to be an absolute total disaster. Get me out." And then, as if by Mayan magic, it all somehow works out. And it works out beautifully.

I mean it. Things just have a way of working out in this place. It makes me think of this night and this adventure and this whole crazy experience. It reminds me of the weeks leading up to this, this miracle, the transportation mishaps involved with this, the months leading up to this, and moments like this. See, my blog is just full of proof. :)

So, I think that's my theme of the year: just when I least expected it, everything always worked out.

And so what did I say when I was then asked at the workshop, "And so what does that mean? How has that changed you?"

I answered, "Well, I guess it means I have more faith in life, hah."

:)

The Whole Year in Front of Me

2011-01-08T19:28:00.000-06:00

For my despedida with the section this Tuesday, I'm printing each girl a handful of photos. I've been holding out pretty much all year long on printing them photos every time they ask me, but, well, I've basically run out of time.

Right now I'm sorting through them and writing notes and dates on the backs, so there are a million little stacks of photos spread across my bed. I cannot tell you how weird it is to look down at them and see this whole year in front of me.

Beh. This is depressing.